I had the fever i had the chills
i knew i needed some little red pills
i went to the doctor and said i have the chills
what do you have to cure my ills
The d o c said iand've a got a lot
i could even prescribe a bag of pot
but i think youand'll find one drug the best
i recommend you put it to the test
So i said what the hey
give me the drug and do it today
iand'll take what ever you tell me to
just to rid myself of this stupid flu
So he gave me a bottle with a little label
and i took the pills while watching cable
i didnand't read the instructions i didnand't care
but the next day i started losing my hair
My teeth fell out and i got kinda scared
i lost so much skin that my bones were bared
i got freaked out and i didnand't know
if i would ever again bust a funky phat flow
I tried to find the bottle but it was gone
the trashman took it in the early dawn
so i called up the doc and i told him my prob
and he said iand'm busy eating corn on the cob
I donand't have time to deal with you
and i think that you fully knew
the dangers that were at risk
then for good measure he added tisk tisk
I said yo doc thatand's all well and good
but i did not do what i should
i know i messed up but please forgive me
now it burns badly when i pee
My hair is gone my teeth are too
and this case of diahrea has got me blue
iand'm really super sorry that i didnand't read the label
but the pain iand'm in it isnand't no fable
iand'd do anything in the world to be bedda
iand'd even down a can of fake chedda
iand'd wash your car ten thousand times
and include you in all of my rhymes
Iand'd run ten miles in a sweltering heat
and cuss at the teacher until i was beat
iand'd spin on my head for five rotations
and listen to only talk radio stations
The doc said iand'm watching friends
and i donand't care if you got the bends
oh joey just said something stupid i gotta go
the trouble youand're in i donand't care to know
He hung the phone and so did i
i really really wanted to cry
i was in it deep with no way out
i felt a lot like i wanted to pout
Then i realized what had transpired
even though i wanted the doc fired
he had cured my flu with his crazy pills
i was now free of my former ills
I had no more shakes i was no longer dizzy
and my stomach it was no longer in a tizzy
my cough was gone my flu was cured
and all cuz of the doctor with the big red beard
The next time i saw the doc i said thanks
and he said iand've climbed the ranks
the hmo noticed all the people i cured
and it was to upper management i neared
I figure now that i can tell you the truth
cuz i donand't want want you to think that i am uncooth
the pills the pills i donand't mean to crow
but what you took was a simple placebo
