I stepped off the bus in memphis, stumbled into the first saloon i could find.
i bellied up to the rail and i summoned my barkeep, ordered up tequila, some salt, and a lime.
she said, andquot;son, you ainand't from around here, is you?andquot;
and i said politely, andquot;no, no, maam, i ainand'tandquot;
she said, andquot;son, well, let me give you a little bit of friendly southern advice. we donand't use that junk round here for nothinand' cept well, maybe, thinninand' out paint.andquot;
and she said, andquot;son, why donand't you just take a look around and tell me what you see.andquot;
i saw a lot of white felt stetson hats and gator skin boots and every southern man who had a lady on his arm was drinking whiskey.
so i said, andquot;i do not wish to be out of order here, i am not a tramp or a bum. the dusty mexican border lands are where iand've just come from. so, with all due respect and deference, tequila is my preference.andquot;
She said, andquot;relax honey, you know i would never treat you wrong,andquot; and then she poured me up three fingers of that old number 7.
she said, andquot;rest assured, darling, weand're drinking it down here in dixie. thatand's cause thatand's what theyand're pouring up in heaven.andquot;
and i said, andquot;maam, your hospitality is well intention. yes, i know you mean to treat me well but where i come from, born and raised in arizona, donand't you know, me and my friends would be more likely drinking what they serve down in hell.andquot;
and she said, andquot;son, why donand't you take a look around and tell me what you see.andquot;
well, i saw a lot of furled brows under them white felt stetson hats and every southern man who had a lady on his arm was looking kind of angry.
so i said, andquot; i do not wish to be out of order, gents, i am not a tramp or a bum. the dusty mexican border land is where iand've just come from. so with all due respect and deference, tequila is my preference.andquot;
So she said, andquot;hey look you little pool cat, you better knock that whiskey back before us southern folk get angry. weand'll come and skin you to the bone and i ainand't exactly sure how that old saying goes but i do know it underscores the fact that you best be drinkinand' what the romans drink when youand're drinkinand' down in rome!!andquot;
And i said, andquot; maam, i can see that you just do not understand and i have been trying to get a proper drink out of this bar now, the whole damn night. so, kindly set me up that tequila, honey. let me get it in my blood and i will take you and your whiskey sippin southern boys; up on that there fight!!andquot;
And she said, andquot;son, why donand't you just take yourself a look around and tell me what you see.andquot;
i saw a lot of grinding teeth and i saw a lot of clenching fists and every southern man who was once over there; sitting at the bar was up and coming after me.
so i said, andquot;i do not wish to be out of order gentlemen. i am not a tramp or a bum. the dusty mexican border land is where iand've just come from so with all due respect and deference.....gentlemen, kindly do not throw me out ass backwards for hankering for a less civilized spirit. why donand't i just mosey on along and find my tequila on my way back west?andquot;
